Water ! Water ! Everywhere .. Not a Soul to drown ?

Last Sunday a couple of my buddies called me to check if I wud go swimming. Well, the lake is more like my idea of swimming. But I settled for the pool in the gym. I went in jumped into the inviting waters of the pool and finished a lap.. only to realize that my buddies didnt really know how to swim. Well they cud swim if they were standing in less than 5 ft of water. Somehow I fail to comprehend that as swimming. Well.. the stupid me that I am.. I started giving tips on how to reduce 'the fear factor' involved in going into the deep waters. All 7 ft of them. One of buddies came into the deep waters.. to try and get over his phobia. So I was there right beside him, boosting his morale... I am no life-saver but.. ya.. I can push a man to safety in the hour of need. Luckily there were no incidents. My buddy was safely clutching the wall and he told me that he would try a dead float. Now that he was all safe and secure I started drifting away into the lane. Serendipity! I was doing a casual back stroke.. And I saw a couple of huge waves erupt where my buddy had been the last time. I straightened up and looked at my buddy. Then I went over to him and thot about giving him my had so that he could hold on to it and come back to safety. But .. No !!! I realised what would happen if I did that. If I have realised one thing from my past swimming and trying to teach swimming expriences twas that a drowning person's strength in water quadrapules ... maybe goes up ten-fold. Even the leanest drowning person becomes an alligator in water. He / She can pull down a truckload of ppl trying to save him / her into the water and try to drown them as if twas natural to be able to do that. Is there like a rule book or something I cud read to know all this stuff? I wud expect it to be out there somewhere. Hmmmm ... E-Bay. Stopping digressing. I swam around him grabbed him from behind his back and pushed him over to safety, asked him if he was alright and went to finish my lap. I came back and there he was, clutching the edge of the pool to dear life. And ... Yes ... And he was shivering.. Panic, Fright .. He had lost his nerves completely. After than point the whole deal was hilarious forever.

I was telling a freind of mine this story and she came up with a similar one.

She's about 5ft1 and 100 pounds maybe. She went swimming in the lake.. Yes in the lake.. with a friend of hers who is about 5ft10. The girls jumped into the pool and all was well until my friend realised that her buddy cudnt really SWIM. Maybe she shud have told her that. Dont U think .. Let me re-consider.. If I didnt know how to swim .. I wud let my friend know that I CUDNT swim. So this girls starts shouting for help and .. somehow the two girls manage to get out of the water. Its not really about the size and but its realy impossible to pull anyone out of water.. Size would just add to it .. coz of the increase in physical alligator strength when inside water.

Scary but quite funny coming to think of it..

Vignette

Prelude

Hypothesis: HELL FREEZES OVER

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions.

1. One, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.

2. Conversely, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over, condition two.


Hell hath not broken loose yet.. Duh.. I am writing this .. A’int I? Would I be able to... if hell had broken loose?

Hence Proved: Hell's frozen over.

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The Scenario

With the proliferation of anti-spam treaties across the globe, there is only one place left to outsource junk email: Hell. Conveniently, it solves the problem of torturing damned souls who are too jaded by physical abuse, as each piece of spam is painstakingly typed. There is no cut and paste in Hell!

Hell is not wired and doesn’t even have a location which can be GPSed. Then came Wireless networking. Hell can communicate now! "Can you hear me now?"

Hell's frozen over as proven earlier. That brings up the issue of needing to use tools to help spam while hell is frozen over. Ideal Choice: COLD FUSION.

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Scene 1: Pearly Gates

A spammer with writer's block, Ms Sun Block arrives at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter: How much hath thou spameth ?
Block : I have been working for company which sells products for penile enlargement *is embarassed to say that* for the last 20 years. O! Kind Saint. Please forgive me for I have spammed.

St Peter: Thou shalt go to hell and repent for thy spams. Thou shalt spam using the most obsolete operating systems ever built.
Block : I agree I have spammed, but today is the day of reckoning, the judgment day. O! Kindest of souls, please have mercy on me. I have had a family to feed. I have never sinned, only spammed. All my life I have worked un-attached. Please have mercy on me. *looks pleadingly with gloomy eyes*

St Peter: Thou deserveth no mercy. Thou shalt have to spam in hell. *grins wickedly and remembers the movie 'A Clockwork Orange'* However I shalt provide you with a tool which shalt maketh thy life better while in hell. Here. I give you the power to use COLD FUSION
Block : Thank You, O ! Great Master. I shall try to redeem myself for all the spams I have sent.

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Scene 2: Hell

Block enters hell and it’s frozen over. The Canadians have refused to play hockey. The Packers refuse to snap the ball. Everyone is gathered around the lake of fire and are spamming in their cubicles. Block starts walking towards the lake of fire taking an occasional peep at the spammers. She realized that this is what she would be doing for the rest of her life. Wait.. This is hell. She would be doing this for eternity. And then the feeling sunk in. She suddenly realized her misery. Would she ever get out of this place? The question is not would she? It’s ... Could she? Her thoughts kept wandering over to schemes and plans and methods to get out of hell. She had never heard of anybody who had ever got out of hell. Not even as a fairy tale. Well! There’s always a first time. Her thoughts were put to an end by a mean looking ogre face looming down at her. It’s her supervisor. He’s no different from the old one back from the earth… She drifted back reminiscing the good old days when she was back at her cubicle spamming everyone and anyone. She didn’t really know how she had fallen into the trap of spamming for penile enlargement. It was probably the single most spammed thing on this side of the universe. Just the thought of working for a male organ enhancement organization excited her. “Block” said the supervisor. She looked at him. He assigned her a cubicle with a PC XT (Is there anything even worse?) with a monochrome 25 line 80 character monitor and an antiquated version of MS DOS (for Hell). She realized that Bill Gates had somehow spread his wings out here too. Block realized that she had been promised a version of Cold Fusion and asked for it. The supervisor looked at her in absolute distrust, logged into the machine and changed her permissions so that she would be able to use Cold Fusion.

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Scene 3: Day 1

She had been asked to spam. Spam HELL? How in the world or hell could she ever make up something interesting enough for even the most stupid person to want to come to hell? She started by getting a picture of the snowy banks of the lake of fire. That wouldn’t work. People hated cold weather as much as they hated hell’s hot temperatures. It really didn’t matter whether it was too hot or too cold. They always complained. More than 2/3rds of the world was filled with water. Who in this big bright world decided that the land masses and the water masses needed to be segregated? Couldn’t they have landscaped it so that we could maximize beach land area? Guess, the same one had the incredible idea creating hell. And then thought of sending all the spammers in the world there. *blood starts boiling from anger* She felt jumpy. She hadn’t felt this way in a while. She looked at the clock in front of her. Why was she even looking at the clock? Who placed the clocks here? Was there any point to it? She couldn’t leave this place anyway. She decided she would start spamming. She started looking around for more ideas on what she would need to write on. How would she glorify this place? She needed more positive thoughts on hell. This place wasn’t that bad. It was covered with snow that wouldn’t even melt from all the global warming caused by the lake of fire! Strike out the last part. Pretty white snow. There were a bunch of people sitting on the banks of the lake... getting half burnt and half frozen. A fireplace, a lake of fire in a place where it snowed like hell. She thought about her previous job spamming for penile enlargement firms. That was easy. It was her fantasy. She just had to put it in words. Coming to think of it this was sort of a fantasy too. Frozen Hell? She was going around in circles. She always came back to frozen hell. How in Hell would she ever get over this? A spammer’s writers block. That’s not at all acceptable. A writer’s block for a writer who writes a book in say six months. A spammer’s writer’s block! She wrote hundred’s perhaps thousands of spams very day. How would she be able to survive? She crouched under her cubicle staring at the lake of fire and dozed off into the night.

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Scene 4: Day2

Block woke up, a little jumpy. She stared at the lake of fire and figured out what she needed to do. She decided on getting a start by figuring out this cold fusion thingy. She booted her PC and waited for the DOS prompt. It said Hell:\LakeOfFire\Spam\Block\. She started thinking about hell. She needed to describe hell. Get a slogan, a caption, something interesting and attractive enough for people to come to hell and think they might enjoy it. She tried to think about hell and all she could think about was penile enlargement. She needs to spam. Then she had her first thought which made sense. This was Hell. There was no escape from it. There was no way she could get out of this place. There was nothing better and nothing worse than her life here. She decided to just sit relax. It would probably be worth all the burning in the lake of fire. Anything was better than being a code slave, a spam slave. She decided to quit and relaxed. Now Hell looked beautiful to her. Her supervisor came up behind and sounded just like her old alarm clock.

She woke up in a cold sweat, stared at the ceiling and decided she would not go to her 8 to 5 spamming job and relaxed smiling at her crazy dream.

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Homesick

My buddies left yest and today I stare at the TV looking for something to do. I feel relaxed after a week of all kinds things to do. I need to groom myself and my house up... not just physically and get back to grabbing the bull by the horns. I still need to catch up on a bunch of movies. So more promising and enigmatic than the rest ;-) Its my writer's block catching up with me. So sorry for not being very informative on this one.

Zombie

Yup, I am getting pretty close to one. Need to go look in the mirror and see if my brains are out yet. Been a busy week at and away from work and I have managed to not sleep enough. Well ! Its not that tuf to pick between FUN and sleep. I am sure I can catch up in some time. Buddies still here and we are yet to start hating each other. Now, whats wrong with us ? Doesnt familiarity breed contempt ? ;-) *stares into the ceiling and racks his brain*

Its been a while since I've been a zombie. Insomnia.. Yes... Zombie... No..

ZombieHood : Best feeling in the world. Not a care in the world. Things seem to happen, dont have to work on them.. atleast dont remember working on them. Am more focussed because I cant concentrate on distracting myself. Better than a hangover .. my head doesnt hurt. A little loss in physical energy which is compensated enough by 'Comfortably Numb' feeling after any mediocre physical activity. Renewed appreciation for food. No appetite for beer. Sleep is totally over-rated but greatly appreciated.

Deja Vu

The other day I was walking past my apt building and I was drawn by a familiar fragnance. Twas from a lil bush with flowers. Mom was an avid gardener and she has had some jasmines and chamelis(Indian name). This fragnance was something very close to it. Mom had a 'Night Queen'too and it would fill the whole yard with perfume. Well ! This plant was acts like the night queen, blooming in the night and collapsing in the day but smells more like a jasmine. I need to figure out what that plant is exactly. But it does feel great to be able to go sit on the patio in the night and be able to feel like I was 12 again and in Mom's yard. At least smells like it.

Eat Drink and be Merry.. But Work too !

've been having a lot of fun this last weekend. My buddies have come down and we've been playing something, doing something, chatting bout something all weekend and we seemed to have a lot to catch up. Am so short of time these days that there's nothing else I can think of and write on this blog ... almost.

We've been cooking all kinds of delicacies. Wow.. Life is good.. Eat, Play and be merry.. What else can I ask for? Other than a paycheck without having to work.. Of course.

I hate all my friends who are still in school. I envy them.. sleep whenever.. wake up whenever.. I just miss not being able to do that. I havent stayed up all night in a long long time. Time to do it one of these days. Need to wait till this weekend tho..

Other than that, been really busy at work. Need to finish something today !

Staring into the Sun

I seem to have forgotten how good it feels to wake up in the morning and lounge on the patio on a weekday. God! I miss school days. I remember my undergrad days when I used to wake up on a fine morning and have no classes to go to, so would just sit and stare into the sky.. watch the sun rise .. hear the silent morning bustle into a busy and noisy one as everyone got around with thier chores. Well! I'm back. I woke up this morning and lay down on my futon in the patio and it felt so good. I lay there for an hour, until I realized twas friday and I had to get back to work.

Goodbye Blue Sky !

It was funny to note the similarities in the day and my day. Yesterday started off gloomy an cloudy and it finally ended up withe sun peeking out of the clouds smiling at us.. asking us if we had missed him. Well my day started off so bad that there was no where to go except ... straight up. And I ended my day feeling a lot better than how I started it. This is actually a lot better. I hate it when I make a good impression on someone or start something off real good only to realise that there's nowhere to go but ... down. Think of me as a pessimist.. but that's more reaslistic and personal experience. My best friends are those with whom I didnt get along at all at first!!!! Things are so much better when they proceed slow but steady. One lil step at a time... rather than use all my energy for a giant leap and not be able to replicate my actions. Saw 'The day after tommorow'. Twas a pretty well made movie.. A lot better than what I expected. Had a enuf drama in it (family ties, sacrifice, man's incessant fight to survive) to make a tear drop appear on the sensitive kind. Weeding that part out, on the whole.. twas an enjoyable experience. Ended the day feeling nice and relaxed. Boy! I love my friends..

Need to go back and get some work done today. Focus NEO! Focus!

sasmo

've got the crazy blues

Woke up this morning feeling just like the day. All gloomy and cloudy. Have been gloomy all morning now. Weird.. there doesnt seem to be any reason for it. Nothing's bothering me.. yet I cant look in to the clear open sky. A bunch of grey clouds sorround me. Looking back, I have had a couple of pretty good and productive days. Its not one of those decision making days for me to feel all guilt ridden or thinking about something silly.. I have done. Why ? What ? How ? When ? did this happen. Maybe I am just more relaxed than normal. Need to get back to work today. Aah... I love coffee shops. Still contemplating what to do for lunch. Mite end up playing Hearts again. Maybe that'll cheer me up. Still cant get what in me needs cheering up. Everything seems to be alright. Is it the calm before the storm. Do I sense something coming up? Do I smell an omen? A vibe perhaps? I just need to go play some pool/snooker. Let me check with my buddy if he wants to do that.

Later on.

Which movies have you seen?

Rank Movie Didn't See It/ Started It/ Finished It/ Hated It! 1 Godfather, The (1972) Finished It 2 Shawshank Redemption, The (1994) Finished It 3 Godfather: Part II, The (1974) Finished It 4 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003) Finished It 5 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002) Finished It 6 Casablanca (1942) Finished It 7 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001) Finished It 8 Schindler's List (1993) Finished It 9 Shichinin no samurai (1954) 10 Star Wars (1977) Finished It 11 Citizen Kane (1941) Started It 12 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) Finished It 13 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Finished It 14 Rear Window (1954) Finished It 15 Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Finished It 16 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Finished It 17 Memento (2000) Finished It 18 Usual Suspects, The (1995) Finished It 19 Pulp Fiction (1994) Finished It 20 North by Northwest (1959) 21 12 Angry Men (1957) 22 Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001) Finished It 23 Psycho (1960) Finished It 24 Lawrence of Arabia (1962) Started It 25 Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966) Finished It 26 Silence of the Lambs, The (1991) Finished It 27 It's a Wonderful Life (1946) 28 Goodfellas (1990) Finished It 29 American Beauty (1999) Finished It 30 Vertigo (1958) Finished It 31 Sunset Blvd. (1950) 32 Matrix, The (1999) Finished It 33 Apocalypse Now (1979) Started It 34 Pianist, The (2002) Started It 35 To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Finished It 36 C'era una volta il West (1968) 37 Some Like It Hot (1959) Started It 38 Third Man, The (1949) 39 Taxi Driver (1976) Finished It 40 Paths of Glory (1957) 41 Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) 42 Fight Club (1999) Finished It 43 Boot, Das (1981) 44 Double Indemnity (1944) 45 L.A. Confidential (1997) Finished It 46 Chinatown (1974) 47 Singin' in the Rain (1952) 48 Maltese Falcon, The (1941) 49 M (1931) 50 Requiem for a Dream (2000) Finished It 51 Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957) 52 All About Eve (1950) 53 Se7en (1995) Finished It 54 Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Started It 55 Saving Private Ryan (1998) Finished It 56 Cidade de Deus (2002) 57 Raging Bull (1980) Started It 58 Rashômon (1950) 59 Wizard of Oz, The (1939) 60 Sting, The (1973) 61 Alien (1979) Finished It 62 American History X (1998) Finished It 63 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) 64 Léon (1994) 65 Vita è bella, La (1997) 66 Touch of Evil (1958) 67 Manchurian Candidate, The (1962) 68 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Finished It 69 Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948) 70 Great Escape, The (1963) 71 Wo hu cang long (2000) 72 Reservoir Dogs (1992) Finished It 73 Clockwork Orange, A (1971) Finished It 74 Amadeus (1984) 75 Modern Times (1936) Finished It 76 Ran (1985) 77 Annie Hall (1977) 78 Jaws (1975) Finished It 79 On the Waterfront (1954) 80 Braveheart (1995) Finished It 81 High Noon (1952) 82 Apartment, The (1960) Finished It 83 Fargo (1996) Started It 84 Sixth Sense, The (1999) Finished It 85 Aliens (1986) Finished It 86 Shining, The (1980) Finished It 87 Strangers on a Train (1951) 88 Blade Runner (1982) Started It 89 Metropolis (1927) 90 Duck Soup (1933) Finished It 91 Finding Nemo (2003) Finished It 92 Donnie Darko (2001) 93 General, The (1927) 94 City Lights (1931) 95 Princess Bride, The (1987) 96 Toy Story 2 (1999) Finished It 97 Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) Finished It 98 Great Dictator, The (1940) Finished It 99 Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957) 100 Lola rennt (1998)

The 'W' word

Spent all day yesterday loafing around, watched a movie. Spent a lot of time relaxing, walking along the river and sitting on a picnic bench chatting while a couple of my freinds grilled me for no reason (I think). I am not supposed to use "whatever" ever again. We call it the 'W' word now. Atleast someone had fun at my expense. I slept for a long long time today. Almost felt like Rip Van Winkile. twas good to see that I got back into the narcoleptic phase. Its almost time for a vacation for me now. Need to get out and do nothing. Maybe in some time I'll do it. Need to call a lot of friends and catch up.

Things and people seem to move away and things and people seem to get closer. Its pretty weird how I have moved away from some ppl and gotten closer to some ppl. Friends and friendship... weirdest posiible ties and relationships ever. 'Ties' this word will haunt me for a lot of time to come now. Introspecting... Do I need to watch what I am saying all the time. I spent a long time having a nice and meaningful conversation and then BOOM I let my tongue slip and almost went down in flames. Thank GOD.. for some of the pretty lil things HE has made, I seem to have redeemed myself. Maybe not quite but well.. I know where things are right now and where things might go .. Iff.. they do.

LIFE IS A BIG EDUCATING EXPERIENCE

Thats all I can say.

sasmo

Poolhall Junkie's b'day

We went out on Thu nite to celebrate a freind's b'day. Had dinner at Macaroni & grill. and then went out to play pool. Suprisingly, I didnt suck as much as I expected to. We had a nice time getting together after a long time. I cant believe, I havent been out in Columbia for a while.. almost a couple of months now. So it was a pleasant evening spent with friends.

Friday was a much more relaxed day. Still in the insomnia phase. Cant wait to get back to narcoleptic phase. The way things are going it'll be a while before that happens. Until then I might as well cramp as much as I can into my life and finish up a bunch of unfinised bussiness. Slept late on Friday nite too. For no reason.. but felt incredibly fresh this beautiful Saturday morning. I need to relax a bit this morning and probably need to get back to work. I need to to get things going. Hey.. Atleast I went to the gym yest. Not very productive but atleast it was a good start.

ba bai blog.

sasmo

Insomnia pangs !

This is turning out to be really weird. Have I missed something ? Like when they pushed the clocks forward. I seem to be off schedule these days. Seem to be waking up and sleeping an hr early. End up having nothing to do all mornings and I have been coming to work a bit early these days. I need to get back to schedule. Need to go to the gym. Starting today. I can never get over it if I try to relax. I will always be the quintessential insomniac and there's only one way to overcome it. More physical labor. Ok.. Not the 'freindly neighborhood slave' kind. Need to go grab some breakfast now.

Camping Trip

Dear Blog,

Two days after the camping thingy, I seem to have recovered. God! I just cant understand if I need a weekend after a weekend. I am either too bored in the weekends or I do way too much, thus needing a couple more days after. Lets just not get into what I need after long weekends. I mite need a whole after. But anyhow, I am back at work today and I need to go back to my other life, a lil bit of fun and a lot of monotony.

Things seem to be rolling smoothly. Some things more confusing than the rest, some things tougher than the rest, but nothing's gone past my reach yet.

sasmo

Dear Last Week's Blog,

Sorry for not updating you on what was happening last weekend. Well, I was out camping and I decided that I wud try not to use the cell phone, TV remote or the computer. To be short and sweet.. I pulled the plug. Twas great of course to be able to get away in such a fashion, relax, forget all my ties etc. Twas only a phone call from Mom on my way back that got me back into reality quick. It took me more than a second to realise that Mom exists. If Iraq had been nuked this weekend, I dont think there was anyway I would have known.

Stop digressing !!! We wanted to go to hangin rock state park and set up camp. From my prev posts, you probly have got that. We started out on VA-8 which was one of the most scenic highways every. Almost hairpin curves ... and we were going almost twice the speed limit in some parts to get a rush. (Well! Nothing to be scared of. Speed limit was 15 - 20 mph in some places) We did get a rush, some more than the others. We had to stop for a Mr Air Sickness and we continued on after. We landed up in hangin rok but there was no way we wud be able to camp there. After a breif hr of making phone calls we finally ended up in Veteran's park in Mt Airy, NC. And then we found an amazing spot to camp. Right on top of a little hill with nobody near us. We set up camp there. Sorry blog, I shud have told you that Cup, Micro, Noddy, Shamir, Styly and I went camping. Shamir and Cup went to get some beer and paraphernalia. In the meantime we set up the volleyball net and started warming up. A little while later all six of us were playing as if our life depended on it. Boy ! Did that game take all the stress away.. both physical and mental. (Damn! Dont I have any emotional stress ? *secret*) We started trying to make a fire at about nightfall and we did a pretty good job at it. (its really easy with self lighting coal, U see) and then twas the Man make fire, cook meat. We probably spent 4 hrs skewering over the coals and eating some marshmellows, reminiscing, chatting and picking on all the little quirks each of us had. Cup triggered the sleep syndrome and soon all of us had been hit by the virus.

Next morning: Amazing to note that I woke up at 6:30. Corporate America is killing me. Twas a beautiful morning and I spent an hr enjoying the breeze and listening to birds chirp and the morning misty wind crack as the sun came up. I realised I was with half a bunch of sloths and half a bunch of really tired poor souls and they wudnt be up until a couple of hrs more. So I started out and tried to get lost in the nearby town. I found an ATM, a coffee and breakfast place. I got some breakfast and brot some coffee back to the gang. We spent a lazy Sunday morning before packing up and leaving for b'burg. We decided to stop over at Claytor Lake and swim. We did stop but the rain gods wouldnt agree with us. We all felt like Achilles at that time. Divine intervention to stop us from swimming. We hung our long faces and went back to b'burg. After all the meat we ate that weekend, I just cant belive someone had the incredible idea of getting some wings. Well we played some pool and ate some *litote*. Now I am sick of meat and am probly going to just eat a salad for a whole week. That was pretty much the PG13 version of the whole trip. I can get you the R rated version thru payPal. LOL

sasmo